Off_theground
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Location: Moscow, Russia
Birthday: 10/17/1900
Gender: Female


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Member Since: 9/14/2005

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Friday, August 29, 2008

http://pandorascloset.blogspot.com/


Monday, February 04, 2008

From http://anorexicpride.blog.com

1) Don't let ANYONE around you know about your ana. It's great to have online friends - in fact, I would encourage it - but unless you're 100% positive that one of your friends will understand or help, DON'T TELL THEM. There is too large a risk of being discovered.

2) Exercise every day, even if it's only for twenty minutes. Take 5-10 minute chunks out of the day and do 100 crunches, or run on the spot, or take the dog for a walk. These shorts burts of exercise will help fuel your metabolism and burns cals, but they're easier to swallow (Pun intended, haha)than a longer exercise regime.

3) Vary your diet, or lack thereof. Don't fast for 5 days and then come out of it and eat junk or something very large. Ease back into it, and make sure to eat fruits, veggies, SOME grains (but keep 'em lo-cal) and small amounts of dairy.

4) TAKE VITAMINS! Calcium and iron are super-important.

5) Become vegetarian or vegan. Personally, I'm a veggie, and I find my parents usually let me cook my own dinners (I use WAY less fat) and they're usually vegetable and possibly ricey-type things.

6) When cooking - I use lo-fat salad dressing instead of cooking oil, it adds flavor and it's not as fattening.

7) Start to hate butter. Even a tiny amount can have excessive calories.

8) If you eat, ONLY eat when people are watching. All other calories are eaten in vain.

9) When eating - be sure to cut your food up into realllyyyy tiny pieces and move it around the plate. I usually feed my dog some of whatever I'm having - my parents don't care - and it makes it look like I ate a lot more than I really did.

10) Opaque-cup trick! This is really popular. Take a bit, chew it, then pretend to take a sip and spit out the food. Make sure that no one else can see into your cup, tho - trying explaining that one could get you into a mess.

11) Chew something and spit it out into a paper towel. You get the taste, but not the cals.

12) When you're exercising, listen to music or watch TV. It helps pass the time and you exercise more without realizing it.

13) Make sure you only eat in one room in your house. Usually, the kitchen. Unfortunately, I have a habit of eating around the computer as well. Keep one room strictly food-free - your bedroom. It can be your sanctuary when times get hard.

14) If you've got hunger pangs, curl up in a ball. It really does help.

15) If you wanna binge - try decorating or organizing something. I recently redecorated my room. Now, it's a lot prettier AND it took up tons of time.

16)Want to binge? Drink three big glasses of water - I mean, really chug 'em - and I guarantee you'll feel too sick to even eat. Another idea - drink a couple of teaspoons of vinegar. It makes your stomach feel really weird.

17) Coffee and tea are AMAZING! That, and those bouillon cubes. Also, Liptons Cup-o-Soup is super lo-cal and yumyumyummy.

18) Keep a food journal. Sometimes this is hard to do, but when you want to eat, remember the journal and you won't be temped to eat as much because you know you'll be seeing it on paper later on. It disgusts you.

19) Obesity IS dusgusting. Remember that.

20) Thinspiration is your best friend. You think you've lost weight? Trust me, you haven't. Just check out the models online and you'll realize that.

21) Live by the scale. It's right. And you're fat.

22) Learn a new hobby, a dance, a craft, etc. Anything that'll keep your mind off food...and preferably something athletic or aerobic.

23) Don't eat anything bigger than your fist. If you have to stretch your lips, it's TOO BIG.

24) ALWAYS check calories! Something that's fat-free might still be loaded with calories, and you don't want too many of those.

25) have a staple lo-cal snacking food. Ryvitas - 20 cals a slice - taste like rice cakes and bread, so they're yummy. Those and actual rice cakes, which have a few more cals but are still great in moderation.

26) If you go out, don't take a lot of $$ with you because you'll definitely be tempted to spend it.

27) Keep in mind - if your skinny friend eats a lot, that DOES NOT mean you can do the same.

28) Watch your fat friends. Watch how much they eat. Gross, isn't it? Do you want to be like that?

29) DON'T eat chocolate bars or any form thereof. If you are forced to buy snacks (e.g a movie situation) try to stick with a sno-cone or buy a kid's pack (MUCH less popcorn). Even fat-free things such as licorice have extreme cals.

30) Look at yourself every day. Nude, if possible. See the flaws? See the fat? Now think - do you REALLY want to eat that?

31) Eating is BAD. Not eating is GOOD.

32) Learn to love that empty feeling in your stomach. Trust me, you'll feel repulsed when it starts getting full again.

33) MY NUMBER ONE RULE: DIET COKE! Trust me, it's amazing, it'll fill you up and after a while, it actually tastes better than regular. Nectar of the gods.

34) My OTHER great rule - sugar-free gum! The minty kind is especially yummy. ALWAYS have a pack handy!

35) When eating in public, try to order something small and inexpensive. Usually, cheap means less, and that's GOOD. Or get a monster salad, but for-go the dressing - super fat. Check out my section on "Eating Out" for more info.

36) You will eat more on a darker plate than a lighter plate. Also, use smaller utensils AND plates in order to decrease food intake.

37) Buy tiny little clothes! You'll be inspired to slim down so you can fit into them.

38) Drink lots of hot hot water, it enlarges your intestinal tract to make you feel fuller.

39) Plan your goals for the day/week! This way, there's less chance of you overeating and you'll know exactly how many cals you need to burn.

40) Thinspiration notebook. Keep pics in your wallet/purse as well, especially when you go away on trips and eat out a lot. Keep pictures and quotes and lyrics that inspire you.

41) Drink ICE COLD water, your body has to burn calories to keep your body tempture up.

42) Chew Sugar Free gum

43) Eat in the same place every day. Somewhere solitary, not in front of the TV or computer.

44) Eat what you crave. But eat in moderation instead of a whole chocolate care get one of the small ones and only eat 1/2 of it. Allow yourself to enjoy it. Deprivation leads to binging.

45) Sleep at least 6 hours a night. Less than 6 hours sleep a night stimulates appetite by 15%.

46) Lower the temperature in your house 10 degrees to burn more calories, or take a icy cold shower/bath. Like drinking the ice water, it is cause your body burns calories warming you back up.

47) If you are really hungry, buy a bag of low fat low cal hard candies. When you suck on them a lot your stomach will tell you that you are full!

48) Try drinking more hot beverages, especially in fall and in winter. Hot liquids expand the intestinal tract and make you feel full. A warm drink can help take the edge off your hunger, preventing overindulging later. In fact, soup can do the same.

49) Focus especially on the first three bites. After that, the excitement of eating will begin to slowly subside, and you'll probably be content with a smaller portion.

50) Spicy foods raise your metabolism and burn slightly more calories than foods.

51) If you feel like you want to eat, go to a friends house that you cannot just raid the fridge at.

52) When you go out take only a few bucks with you so when you walk past the pastry shops you can't afford anything.

53) Don't Swallow! Take a bite, chew, and spit it out.

54) Track your triggers. Make sure you know them inside out and STAY AWAY from them!

55) A little envy is a good thing. Competition is a great mobilizer. Always, especially when with friends or family, eat less than them. It's not that hard, is it?

56) Sit up straight. You'll burn at least ten percent more calories sitting upright than reclining.

57) NEVER eat anything bigger than your fist!!

58) Drink 2tbsp of vinegar before the meal, so it well help suck out the fat out of it. Apple cider vinegar is also on the market as a weight-loss supplement.

59) Get a job which entails working through meal times, and when you get home again you can say you ate at work.

60) Find some food, cut it up into small pieces, rub it all over a few dishes and leave them on the counter, it looks like you had a full meal and your friends will be convinced.

61) If you start eating, you might find you want to eat more and more - you lose control. This is because the sight/smell/taste/feel of food in your stomach stimulates your stomach lining to produce gastric acids, which help break down and digest food. Unfortunately, they also give you hunger pangs (your stomach convulsing when it is empty) and they make you hungrier. so DON'T START EATING!

62) Try always wearing a heavy lip gloss or chapstick (preferably NOT lipstick - tastes nasty and makes you look like a skank if you go overboard! haha) You won't want to eat for fear of messing it up. Plus, it tastes yummy when you get hungry! (not that i would advise eating lip gloss, of course). Kinds to Try: Bonne Bell Lip Smackers, NYC Roll-On Gloss, and Chapstick.

63) EXERCISE VIDEOS! They're such a lifesaver. And they're fun! Try Kickboxing, Ballet, or Pilates!

64) Track your triggers! What makes you want to eat? Stay as far away from it as possible! What turns you off from food altogether? Learn em, live em, love em!!

65) Read ana books or watch ana moves. "Wasted" by Marya Hornbacher (sorry if that's spelled wrong) or any of those after-school specials can be really thinspiring.

66) Join an Ana forum! There are lots of awesome ones, and it's great to chat with other anas about triggers, binges, or technique.

67) Watch Star! It's the most thinspiring channel out there, with tons of super-skinny stars, models, and specials. V. nice!

68) Take a long time to eat. If you're right-handed, try eating with your left, or vice-versa. Use children's utensils so you need to take more bites. Remember, it takes your stomach 20-30 mins to know it's full, so don't stuff yourself because you think you're still hungry!

69) Brush your teeth a LOT, or try Crest Whitestrips, or some other whitening product that takes a long time and won't let you put food in your mouth...purty teeth AND an excuse to not eat!

70) DON'T trust negative calories. They're not scientifically proven, and they could just be giving you excess cals when you don't need them. But if you MUST eat, eat a supposed neg-cal food - they're healthier and lower-cal than most foods, anyway. Keep celery as a staple! If you're craving something "stronger", have salsa on it - only 10-14 cals per tsp!
68) Take a long time to eat. If you're right-handed, try eating with your left, or vice-versa. Use children's utensils so you need to take more bites. Remember, it takes your stomach 20-30 mins to know it's full, so don't stuff yourself because you think you're still hungry!

69) Brush your teeth a LOT, or try Crest Whitestrips, or some other whitening product that takes a long time and won't let you put food in your mouth...purty teeth AND an excuse to not eat!

70) DON'T trust negative calories. They're not scientifically proven, and they could just be giving you excess cals when you don't need them. But if you MUST eat, eat a supposed neg-cal food - they're healthier and lower-cal than most foods, anyway. Keep celery as a staple! If you're craving something "stronger", have salsa on it - only 10-14 cals per tsp!


Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Currently Listening
Vogue Presents Karl Lagerfeld: My Favorite Songs
By Various Artists
see related

B: 1/2 lemon poppyseed muffin (300)

L: Most of a grilled cheese sandwich (360) 
    juice and sparkling water (60)

D: 1 c. lentils (300)

Total: 1020

Of course it's too much.

0916200510094834.jpg picture by only_uphill

I guess the decision has been made.

I'm done with 'health.' With fat.

Fuck. Here we go again.

RULES

  • 500 calories (or less) on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays
  • 1000 calories on Thursdays and Saturdays
  • 1500 calories on Sundays
  • Write down nutrition information before eating
  • Burn 500 calories a day through exercise
  • 8 glasses of ice water per day
  • 4 cigarettes per day

This plan actually seems much healthier than any other plan I've made. My stint in the regular world of 1600 calories a day made me realize the importance of metabolism. You can't keep it up if you're eating 75 calories a day. Although, who knows, maybe I'll get back there again anyway. 

Currently Listening
Pocket Symphony
By Air
see related

Where do we go from here?

00000000000000000000000000000000-2.jpg picture by only_uphill

Eatstarvebingestarvenormalstarveweighstarveeatstarveweigheateateatstarveweigheat

I'm tired of this.

0000000000.jpg picture by only_uphill

I left my xanga at a terrible point in my life.

I'm coming back at a terrible point in my life.

z12952850.jpg picture by only_uphill

I can't figure out whether to eat or not.

Eating's too hard.

25zr5.jpg picture by only_uphill

But then again, so is starving to death.

r1556750300.jpg picture by only_uphill

I don't trust my body. I don't trust myself.

"You can't eat healthily and still lose weight. Just stop eating. It's better that way."

"But you can't starve, you'll lose all of your muscle, your energy, your head. You'll just get skinny fat."

Ultimately, this was never about weight loss. This was about fearpaindisgust.....

I don't know what's going on in my head anymore.

This isn't a crutch for me anymore.

b12761681.jpg picture by only_uphill

Yet, what a beautiful idea. Living on air until I'm lighter than it. Until I just float away....

I can't handle this anymore.

I'm sick.

11111111111111111111111111111111-1.png picture by only_uphill

Currently Listening
Deltron 3030
By Deltron 3030
see related

Harder than I remember....

B: Egg white omelet with 4 pieces lettuce (40), 1/2 protein shake (40)

L: 3 pieces bread with butter + sugar (680)

D: 1/2 cup carrot salad (80), 10 pieces pesto tortellini (150), 1/3 cup ratatouille (60)

Please shoot me.

Total: 1060

Is this really what I've been eating while I've supposedly been, 'okay'?
I don't know how I've been doing this to myself.
Confronting fat is harder than confronting death.
I don't want this anymore. Being okay is too painful.

The worst part?

I'm still hungry.

Tomorrow: 500

I went to a friend's birthday party, cancelled plans with my "boyfriend," ate 2 pieces of pizza, felt awkward around the ex of a guy I fucked, learned to play pool, and had a really great time.

That's my day.

I'm so very bored with myself.

CAN'T

Re-starting a xanga feels like running back to an abandoned lover, kissing them. It's all okay. I never forgot you.

But they're scarred.

Things will never be the same. You've both grown.

I wrote in here less than a month ago, but every day brings some new change, a new lesson, a new important event. For the past two months, every day has had value, something completes itself, something re-opens.

I don't know what this xanga is here for anymore.

It used to be a kind of map, making sure that I kept track of the various poisons I shoveled into my body, and the food that I kept out.

Now?.....

I just can't.

So much has changed.

I want what I had, then. But......

I don't mind where I'm at.

I want to keep this going. I want to write in here. But about what?

My life is.....Different, to say the least.

I have too many memories of what used to be here.

It's funny that I don't feel that an entirely impermanent medium such as a 'blog' can't change with me. 

I should have goals in mind....

I don't.

"It is always changing. It has order. It doesn't have a specific place. Its boundaries are not fixed. It affects other things. It may be accessible but go unnoticed. Part of it may also be part of something else. Some of it is familiar. Some of it is strange. Knowing of it changes it."


Saturday, December 31, 2005

 

 


Monday, December 12, 2005

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